23. Final Year Thesis: Done and Dusted

Here's a lighter topic than the previous post =) I know I've been away from the blogosphere for the longest time ever - months. I've been busy with an internship and my final year thesis, which is finally and thankfully done with. 10k words later, I am now officially unemployed and a psychology graduate. I'm doing this post to get ya'll up to speed and also, I that free now.

I was interning for 2.5 months at AWARE (the women's organization that NS men dislike haha). The pay was um, well, lets just say it felt like free labour but it was a meaningful internship for I got to learn how a non profit organisation works in the inside. I also got to work on really interesting projects - single parenthood, women rights, rights for single parents in the HDB sphere... etc. It really shows you a side of Singapore you do not get to usually see (single parenthood is after all a really taboo subject, just as homosexuality is).

I ended my internship about half a month earlier because it was getting really stressful to juggle my thesis data collection, meeting up with my supervisor and actually writing the thesis. My supervisor, Patrick is God-sent. He was ever so helpful with anything I needed and would actually reply my cries for help at 9/10pm at night. I hit the jackpot with my supervisor this time! Thesis writing..is so so tiring. I have written so many essays, from as little as 1.5k to 4k words but nothing could have prepared me enough for this daunting task. Some days you look at your work and think, what in the world am have I been writing, this is ALL rubbish. Other days you feel quite good and confident but it is mostly tiring and exhausting. Sometimes you have the motivation to continue but you can't find anymore information that seems relevant. You just end up staring at your document and getting a headache from all the words swimming in your head.

Anywho after about 2.5 months of slugging my guts out, I was finally done. Getting them printed and binded felt numb and surreal. I wanted to be done with the university and its shitty admin staff and poor communications with students but at the same time I wanted to continue studying. HOW DO I ADULT. All a student has to worry about is homework, essays, tests and things like that. In comparison to insurance, bills, marriage and the list goes on. Do you know it takes 1 mill to raise a kid in Singapore? Like, I don't think i can even make a million in a lifetime what more by the time I am ready to have a child?

The weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders and now a different kind of weight has landed on them. I gotta start job searching........stat.

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10. First Trimester As A Honours Student

Today I'll be blogging a short one about my experience as a honours student, well, just the first 3 months of an experience. I'm not going to bore you with the technicalities, every university is different and thus, these are just my personal feelings & thoughts.

It's been a slow whirlwind (I say slow, and you'll soon realize why) in school the past couple of months. I was overjoyed when I got the email in my last term break, notifying me that I got into the Honours program for my Psychology course (there are certain requirements you have to meet - e.g Distinctions for 5 level 3 subjects and statistics modules) I was HYPED. I couldn't wait to start lectures again, learn new things, plan my thesis topic. . . . .

#STUDYSESH

I couldn't be more wrong about the exciting bit.

It was quite a drag. I only had 2 modules, ethics being compulsory. I had a hard time choosing the second module. It was a case of 1. hmm I like that module but the lecturer is a pain, 2. damn if I went for this module it's supposedly easy to score but sounds iffy as hell and 3. i guess this module is cool cause i've got friends. I ended up taking Time Perception - whuuuut - by myself - whuuuuuuut. It was a cool field of study, something that you wouldn't get to learn elsewhere. Also, no exams. Seeing as ethics was a dry and heavy topic, I didn't want to weigh myself down with two exams. I also managed to make a couple new friends which is a plus point :)

Nonetheless, I didn't know having 2 modules instead of the usual 4 could have that much of a toll on me. With the luxury of so much time on my hands, I could do anything !!! Get an internship, part time job, exercise and actually stick to a proper regime, read a dozen or more books, travel..... alas none of that happened (Except only a week of workout and a fraction of a dozen books were read).
I didn't know what to do with all the time I had. It was so confusing, I was begging for work to be given to me.

GIVE ME MORE ASSIGNMENTS!!! 

Even whilst studying for the ethics exam, I was relaxed; I finished my notes and sat around idling through the likes of youtube and tumblr. It was so unproductive for my brain and although everything was done on time, I still felt so very restless and useless..

I was in such a rut. Having multiple assignments due every other week when I had 4 modules and 4 exams to sit for during the previous 6 semesters before embarking on my Honours journey prepared me for a semester even crazier than that. I was wrong... I know I'd regret complaining of being free when the next two semesters come round, when I'll camp in school collecting data and finish off a 15,000 word thesis. But at that time, it was weird being so free and I felt like this everyday:

I had no direction! Its scary that I'm almost graduating and I have no idea what to do with my life yet. That'll be a topic for another blogpost......... my existential crisis *sad laugh*.

Now with the start of the holidays I'm excited as to what the next month has in store for me! I even got a critique and a thesis to work on but hey, a break's a break for a reason. Got a staycation coming up later this week & will be blogging about that too : )

Stay tuned,
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